Top 14 things you don't want to hear from IS tech support

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14) "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

13) "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

12) "That's no bug - it's a feature!"

11) "So - what are you wearing?"

10) "Every time I tried to fix that, I couldn't get the leg bone out without the buzzer going off."

9) "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

8) "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n."

7) "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

6) "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."

5) "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."

4) "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

3) "Hold on a second. Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

2) "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...

1) "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."